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Pressure Cookin’
Janine's cooked up a plan to investigate Brent Valmont, and help you to find Selma Cast * Paula Cohen * Peter Lynne * Sam Yao * Janine De Luca * ANNIE * Brent Valmont Plot Absolutely Anywhere No-one can quite believe that Pit Viper is really Janine, much to her annoyance. The publicly advertised contracts were a ruse to get you here, and now Janine has a job for you. Ms Spens Will Be So Angry Janine explains that Pit Viper are an elite team of female assassins, but there are a lot of copycats employed by Sigrid, and those are the people who've been trying to kill you. In The Minister's Pocket You arrive in some well kept tunnels beneath one of Brent Valmont, Amelia's ex-husband's, estates. Janine is welcomed, under a false name, by ANNIE, and tells you that you'll be posing as chefs. Yes Chef! You're here to learn how Valmont has stockpiled so many vital supplies, and why he's trading with The Ministry. But first Janine will make sure you learn some cooking skills. Up To The Eighth Floor! Janine takes her cover identity of head chef very seriously, but leaves the kitchen in the hands of her sous chefs, while you accompany her to find some resources only available here. This Subroutine Is... Problematic Inside one of Valmont's Xia-Hifa offices, Janine explains how the office locations are all connected; off-grid power from geothermal vents. She also reactivates ANNIE who directs you to a room on the 4th floor. Going To Have So Much Fun Safely inside the room you were directed to, Janine asks ANNIE how you might go about finding a specific person. Sam voices concerns about asking ANNIE for help, but as he does so, the door opens to reveal none other than Valmont himself! S06E17 // Rofflenet Discussion regarding this mission can be found on Rofflenet Transcript PETER LYNNE: It is you, I knew it! It was when I saw how efficiently those zombies were nailed to that trolley - JANINE DE LUCA: Yes, Mr. Lynne, you have said that already. You started saying it before we boarded this train, and you’ve said something along those lines eight times since. PAULA COHEN: To be fair, Janine, it really does need to be said. It’s you. JANINE DE LUCA: Yes. Still me. SAM YAO: All right, I’ve got a question that isn’t, “Is it really you?” JANINE DE LUCA: You can’t imagine my relief. SAM YAO: What have you been doing all this time? And… and… is it really you? JANINE DE LUCA: I have been cultivating a position. One that is of influence in all areas of the new UK. I cannot explain everything. Some of my work is top secret even now. The job’s not yet finished, but I summoned you here because a matter has come to my attention that I need Abel’s help with. PAULA COHEN: Hold on. You summoned us? I mean, we’re the ones who struggled through tunnels filled with blood, feces, and viscera to get here. Oh. In response to Pit Viper suddenly letting it be known that they were tracking down Selma, a runaway from Sigrid’s baby serum factory. Right! You let it be known so that we’d come to you, and your cover wouldn’t be blown. JANINE DE LUCA: Astute, Dr. Cohen. slides open Now come along, all of you. We have a job to do. Follow me down this tunnel. We have a long way to go, and we must be on time. PETER LYNNE: I’d follow you absolutely anywhere. JANINE DE LUCA: Run. PAULA COHEN: All right, Janine, a question. How did you end up here? I mean, are you Pit Viper? Pit Viper’s been trying to kill us, and… haven’t you killed quite a few of Amelia’s people? That’s… unlike you? JANINE DE LUCA: Oh, yes. I am the Pit Viper. I run a team of female assassins. PETER LYNNE: Bloody hell. Female assassins? Hmm. JANINE DE LUCA: We’re quick, efficient, and deadly. And we only take on extremely legitimate targets. I vet them personally. But of course, we do get copycats. People who get the tattoo and pretend to be Pit Viper. I think Sigrid’s hired quite a few of those. There’s a new one following you, but I’ll send my women to scare him off. PAULA COHEN: And Amelia’s people? JANINE DE LUCA: laughs That was very amusing. I took every contract available on Miss Spens. She sent me a rich supply of resources to buy them out, and we paid some of her people for intel on her so I could feed Sigrid some plausible lies about her plans. Miss Spens is going to be so angry when she finds out. Come along, please. We can’t afford to be late. PETER LYNNE: These tunnels are nice! Clean, dry. Shipshape, Bristol fashion. You didn’t build them, did you? JANINE DE LUCA: No. We’re underneath the estate of Mr. Valmont, the CEO of Xia-Hifa Biologics, Miss Spens’ ex-husband. PAULA COHEN: And why are we underneath the private estate of the only remaining billionaire in, so far as we know, the world? JANINE DE LUCA: Because his staff have no idea what to do with a haddock mornay. locker door There are uniforms in that locker. Put them on while I open the door. system beeps ANNIE: Welcome back, ?. JANINE DE LUCA: Incorrect identification, ANNIE. Try again. ANNIE: Oh, I’m sorry. Welcome back, Chef Anderson. We’re glad to have you. SAM YAO: Chef Anderson? JANINE DE LUCA: whispers Just go with it. It’s our cover. loud Hello, ANNIE! I’m taking charge of the banquet tonight. ANNIE: Perfect timing, Chef Anderson. Mr. Valmont is entertaining the Minister tonight. We need your culinary genius more than ever. JANINE DE LUCA: Ah. Team, the vital thing is that Valmont should not discover that we’re in the building. He’s in the Minister’s pocket. But we can keep ourselves safe from him. Down this tunnel quickly. Follow me. SAM YAO: All right, all right. So you’ve pretended to be a chef to get in past Valmont’s security, right? Now what are you going to do? Ninja assassin action adventure spying? JANINE DE LUCA: First of all, we prepare the souffles and the haddock mornay. PAULA COHEN: Wait. Being a chef isn’t a cover? JANINE DE LUCA: A cover only works if it’s believable. It was instantly clear to me that liberating Abel would not be enough to keep us safe. There was bound to be a standoff and militarization. So I needed to find out how Sigrid’s power base operates. On the Minister’s airship, I overheard her say that she would loan Valmont some of her kitchen staff in exchange for a shipment of batteries and other vital supplies. PETER LYNNE: How does he have all the batteries and vital supplies? That’s what I want to know. JANINE DE LUCA: A very good question, Mr. Lynne, and one I intend to learn the answer to. In the chaos on the airships, I quickly disposed of the original chef by knocking her out and leaving her in an airship bound for the Hebrides. I came to work in Mr. Valmont’s kitchens to learn more about this vital Ministry ally. SAM YAO: Aha! And then you let other people do the cooking while you learned about Valmont’s organization! Mm, clever. JANINE DE LUCA: No, Mr. Yao. I taught myself to cook. It’s not difficult. It simply demands precision, timing, and meticulous attention to detail, along with natural leadership, qualities I possess in abundance. When we enter the kitchen, each of you will behave as if you are my new sous-chefs. Obey my commands exactly. For example, Five, you will run through the kitchen to the courtyard to bring wood to smoke the ballotine of rabbit. PAULA COHEN: Oh, I’ve missed taking orders from you. JANINE DE LUCA: Very good. Welcome to my kitchen. door All of you! This kitchen is a disgrace! Your worktops are filthy. Your plating is disgusting, and service is in less than an hour! All of you, step to it! Run! COOK: Yes, chef! JANINE DE LUCA: Well done, Sous-chef Five. Those cedarwood shavings will set off the rabbit perfectly. Mr. Lynne – yes, those limes will do for the salmon ceviche, I suppose. Have ? whip up a mayonnaise with tarragon – no, saffron, chili, and sumac to give it more kick. SAM YAO: Mm, Janine. This really isn’t a cover, is it? You clearly actually really care about that salmon ceviche. JANINE DE LUCA: Mr. Yao, if a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing to the highest and most exacting standards. That is how we derive personal pride and satisfaction in life. SAM YAO: Yeah. Yeah, I have that attitude to my Demons and Darkness figurines. PAULA COHEN: You don’t, though. Your Yargrov the Mountain is clearly a Valdac the Destroyer with two extra arms glued on from a forest troll you trod on. SAM YAO: Yeah, that’s true, actually. My philosophy is, if a job’s worth doing, it’s worth spending a bit of time on, and then getting on with something else. JANINE DE LUCA: Which is, coincidentally, precisely what Five and I are about to do. Dr. Cohen, you take charge of the souffle station. Mr. Lynne… we’ll talk later. For now, roast celeriac, 1.4-centimeter dice, please. PETER LYNNE: Yes, ma'am. JANINE DE LUCA: Runner Five, we’re going to rescue your contact, Selma, and we will need resources only available here. We will take the service stairs up to the eighth floor. With me. Run. opens SAM YAO: Wow. That office is swish. What is this building, anyway? JANINE DE LUCA: Mr. Valmont operates from a series of Xia-Hifa buildings across the United Kingdom. Buildings that weren’t in use before the apocalypse. They’re placed strategically, although it’s taken me a long time to work out his strategy. They’re not near to transport links or worker hubs. This one, a few miles outside London, is the only one located anywhere near a population center. SAM YAO: So… what’s the pattern? JANINE DE LUCA: Reliable off-grid power sources. SAM YAO: Oh, he’s devious. JANINE DE LUCA: He is, Mr. Yao. I am convinced that it is Valmont’s support which has enabled the Minister to maintain her power base in the country. This mansion, the size of a large hotel, is sited on top of a deep geothermal well drilled at taxpayer’s expense and abandoned as a failure several years ago. SAM YAO: Oh yeah! I remember. Like that one at ?. Didn’t they make a volcano down there? JANINE DE LUCA: You exaggerate as ever, Mr. Yao. I have found evidence that Valmont deliberately scuppered the geothermal well at ? so the project would be discredited. He took a tax write-off on it, and no one asked if this second well was still operational. SAM YAO: Spoiler – it’s still working, right? JANINE DE LUCA: It is. As are several other experimental power facilities around the country, each connected to one of Valmont’s properties. SAM YAO: To power what? JANINE DE LUCA: My contact might be able to answer that question. system beeps Hello, ANNIE. Are we safe to talk? ANNIE: Hello, Janine! Oh. Um, I didn’t know you’d be bringing Runner – Employee – Runner – whirs Oh. Employee Five. We must talk about your termination. whirs Janine, a subroutine I thought I deleted is trying to reactivate. It’ll take some time to remove it. You need to head to room G15 on the fourth floor. Please hurry. This subroutine is problematic. closes JANINE DE LUCA: ANNIE, can you talk now? ANNIE: I sure can! So sorry about that. I have this whole situation going on, you know. Part of me has a whole other set of priorities and has really taken against Runner Five here. Actually, I thought I was winning against me, but something happened a little while ago, and I got much stronger. I can hardly fight me sometimes now. laughs We’re at a sort of standoff right now. There are places where I have of concern, and there are bits where I have them. And bits where we’re at war. Sorry. It’s more complicated than it sounds. JANINE DE LUCA: ANNIE, first things first, are we safe here? Is there any chance Valmont could discover us? ANNIE: He and the Minister are deep in conversation in his private sitting room. You’re safe for now. Three weeks ago, the Minister sent word that two of our employees had been confirmed as operatives with the Laundry. They are discussing how helpful Mr. Valmont was in removing those traitors. JANINE DE LUCA: Ah, I see. Yes. Well, in the meantime, ANNIE, you have the most sophisticated tracking devices I’m aware of in the new UK. Someone we need to find is in the region of ?. What would you need to pinpoint them more accurately than that? ANNIE: ?? Wow, dangerous spot. Okay. I do have a couple of little things I could try. I don’t suppose you’ve got any of their DNA, have you? SAM YAO: Hang on, just a sec. Okay, ANNIE? Now, I presume you can hear me? ANNIE: Certainly can! X-ray hearing. All right, sport? laughs SAM YAO: Sport? ANNIE: I’m trying a thing! To sound more, you know, human. laughs SAM YAO: Okay. So it’s not that I don’t trust Janine’s judgment, but… Janine, you’ve been away for a while, and since you went, we’ve seen ANNIE again, and ANNIE, you keep going on about that Project Glass thing you’ve done to Five. ANNIE: Do I? I don’t remember doing Project Glass on you, Five. No, no, it’s fine. I’ve checked. I have no access to Project Glass anymore. You’ll have nothing to worry about, Five! Nothing at all. Nothing whatever… oh. Apart from the fact that Mr. Valmont is just outside the door. Sorry! Project Glass. I got flustered. Sorry! opens SAM YAO: Oh, crap. Five, that is Valmont. ANNIE: Oh. Mr. Valmont, sir. These two sous-chefs were just requesting extra supplies to be delivered next week. JANINE DE LUCA: We’re just leaving, sir. Everything’s in order. BRENT VALMONT: Stop! I know who you are. SAM YAO: Oh, crap. BRENT VALMONT: No, no. Calm down, calm down, it’s fine! I’m so glad to meet you, Janine De Luca, Runner Five. I’m one of your biggest fans! We’re going to have so much fun. Category:Mission Category:Season Six